Friday, January 3, 2014

One Year Later.

Once upon a time there was a KK. She had recently quit her job that had been making her more miserable than she had basically ever been in her whole life and had been giving her panic attacks. Needless to say, she was kind of an emotional wreck at this point. (Pro tip: If you're in a job that is soul sucking and emotionally scarring and you're having panic attacks in the bathroom because you want to be anywhere else but there even more than you want to breathe? Leave. Just leave. It is not worth it.) And of course, after quitting a job she'd been at for a while and a whole host of other things, namely, existential crises left right and center, she decided to go spend some quality time at her grandparents, where it was quieter and in a different state and maybe that would help her figure out life.

(Pro tip number two: If you don't know what to do with your life and it's freaking you out, going somewhere else as a tactic of trying to avoid it may not really work out so well.)

I had been doing a whole bunch of other things at that point, and none of them were really working, for a whole host of reasons. I used to write when I was younger, and for some reason thought it was a good idea to stop writing. Or maybe I didn't think it was, I just stopped for a different reason. Honestly, I'm not sure. But what I do know was that I hadn't really written anything in probably around five years. I had dabbled here and there, but nothing serious.

And so for some ridiculous reason, I decided I was going to make New Year's resolutions, and one of them was finish writing a whole book. Because I had never done that before. Ever ever ever.
So, curled up in my grandparent's basement on the overstuffed rocking chair and under around eleventy million blankets, I started writing. I signed up for Twitter and I started to blog.
One year ago today.
I had absolutely no idea that my life would completely change.

If you would have asked me a year from now if I could imagine myself here, right now, I would have a book published (an actual book. that actual people read. WHAT IS LIFE?), and have a whole bunch planned to be published in the upcoming year...I don't know if I would have believed myself.

There were so many things I wanted out of this year. 2012 was not an easy year for me, and all I wanted was for 2013 to be THE year. And in a lot of ways, it was.
I wrote the words 'The End'. I wrote them more than once, much to my immense surprise. I found my people, which has made all of the difference. That more than anything else, I think. Because when you go through life and you think you're the only freak who does X, and the rest of the people you know would never even dream about doing stuff like gets hard to keep going. Finding the writing community on Twitter has honestly been one of the biggest blessings of this year.

I met my absolutely INCREDIBLE CPs and betas, who I love to the ends of the Earth. I met lots and lots of other fabulous people, and helped fabulous people meet each other. I read more books this year than I have in a while. I BOUGHT more books than I have in a while (damn you, one click).
Being part of the writing community helped me get through the insanity that was 2013. Because of all of you, I was able to survive the disaster that was the next job I got, and because of you, I was able to deal with the five months of unemployment and job searching, something I don't really recommend to anyone at all.

Everything isn't perfect now. I doubt they will ever be, as life tends to not be perfect. But I can tell you that I for the first time in forever, that I'm doing what I should be doing now. That I'm where I'm supposed to be, and going where I'm supposed to be going.

So, you know what, 2013? You were a weird year. More existential crises than I wanted to deal with, and more angst and self-doubt and all other nasty emotional roller-coasters I could have done without. But I am infinitely grateful for every second of it, and have a good feeling about 2014.

And so I'm going to do things that scare me. I'm going to take more pictures. I'm going to write more words, and stop reading comments. I'm going to spend more time dancing and cuddling my students and less time worrying about things I can't change. I may actually figure out life this year.

(For those of you who are curious...)

Words written: 407,584 (not including emails or blog posts)
Books written: 5
Novellas written: 1
Books started but not yet finished: 12 (yes. really.)
SNI list: More than I know what to do with
Books published: 1 (Heart Breaths)
Time I spent on Twitter: an embarrassing amount.

To all of you reading this: Thank you so much for being a part of my life this year. I can not even begin to tell you what a difference you made. I hope your 2014 is all that you wish it will be. xo

1 comment:

  1. All the hugs <3 So happy to have met you in 2013, and looking forward to much more KK-Dahl-ness in 2014 and beyond!!!